This Stubborn Life...

  What brings on the most recent rant, otherwise socially accepted these days as a "blog"?
Seems my sister, 3 years my senior, is pregnant. She has an 'It' inside of her. She's married. She lives in a nice place with her husband. They have 2 cars, 2 jobs a bunch of friends they see every week and have done so for years.

  Her little brother on the other hand is somewhat different: Never aided in the creation of another being. Never been in a long term relationship, never has a steady long term job, has no vehicle to his name and his old friends (although, stay as so, for a long time on facebook) never really see him for long periods of times because they they barely have time to scratch across his radar before he runs off again to another part of the world making new friends who will remain just that because he never sticks around long enough for the to become old friends.

  He sits there sometimes, contemplating a life of abnegation, deploring the concept, the NOTION of it in substitution of the life he has now, but he also asks himself:
What kind of an uncle will i be?
Will i be the cool uncle, the fun uncle, the one 'It' wishes 'It' could live with?
Or will i be that uncle that they never see, never really think about and never really crops up in their mind?
I live a life of freedom, no doubt, i do what i want, but it is detrimental to my functionality. "Freedom" or "freedumb" one could ask.
Am i sacrificing a life that i should be living? What do i constantly get from running away all the time? I'll tell you what it gets me: a broader horizon, a different set of fleeting friends every 12 months who end up settling down while i go off and attest that the life I'm living is a glamorous one, when in fact - as notoriously itchy-footed as i get - i never get a feeling of stability.

  I don't half moan sometimes, but i know if i was at home i wouldn't be doing the things I'm doing out here. I wouldn't be having the fun I'm having now, I'd be stuck indoors in a 9-5 (or worse, a 2pm-2am) living the same routine everyday of wasting hours on the computer, masturbating profusely to my abject fantasies of whorish malignancy and only ever socialising with two of my closest friends: my mum and dad.
  Nay, i do not protest to having my mum and dad as part of my list of closest friends, i am in fact privileged to have such a relationship with the hands that fed me, but i don't see them having the same social life with their parents - it's just not healthy. The sapling must flock the nest...or some other analogy that would be mildly accurate and germane to this abomination of my not-even 1/3 life crisis I claim to go through sometimes.

  I genuinely believe i am not even a third of the way through my life yet. If i were already at my third of my life span then I'd die at 84. So what is it about society that demands i should already be settled down and if not already then i should spend no more than the next 5-10 years before i really settle down and get it sorted.
So, if i settle by the time I'm 38, what will that get me? I'll have another 50 years (give or take) of settlement.
  What the hell do you do with your life in that time? Pay bills? Raise offspring? Compromise your dreams, desires, fantasies and conceded to a life of monotonous procurement and desolate thoughts of monogamy, selflessness and gardening with a day or two there of painting and decorating? To deciding whether to change the car after 8 years of chauffeuring the little bastards in the back seat or to run it into the ground and get your money's worth?
  I don't really want to play make-believe at Christmas and save for half the year just so the kids can have a "special Christmas". I don't want meetings with the bank manager about my mortgage. This is not how i want to spend the prime of my life. I'll happily start doing that when I'm truly tired of the person i am now (my 50s maybe?) and the life I'm currently living, when all I'll want to do is actually settle down, because i have no qualms in saying that WILL happen. I just don't want to be pressured or guilted into feeling that i should be thinking about that now. In my 20s - albeit late 20s.

  So here's what I'm proposing. I'm only going to start living the life I'm so vehemently battling against right now, when I'm sick of living the way I've been doing for the past few years; when i want some stability, when all i want is a routine.
  Then, maybe then my niece/nephew will get to know me and by that time i will not be the fun uncle, I'm afraid. I'll be the uncle dedicated to his passion as he once was as a vivid youngster. Die a family man in a stable life or die alone doing what i want to do. Such is life. I'd choose no other way.