It's understandable – it's unwritten, but it's encoded into all our minds the older we get: you're definitively human if you end up getting hurt in your life. When I say get hurt I don't just mean physically. I mean it in every concept applicable to the human state. The kind of hurt where you are rocked to your core. Like an earthquake in your soul.
At some point in our lives we all experience hurt of those proportions. For me I'd gone through 28 years of being lucky, because I'd never before felt the pain that I felt four months ago.
I'm not going to go into the story, but suffice to say I was betrayed. I put so much of myself into this girl that when the truth finally came out I felt like I didn't get any of it back. This wasn't a relationship, it wasn't what you see on TV. This was me putting my trust and putting my future into her hands. Continually putting my trust in this girl was a tiring act, yet foolishly I continued to believe her because she told me time and time again I could trust her. Time and time again I defended her, but like a rope being pulled to it's extremes my trust and my energy began to fray.
Needless to say, at the end of the ordeal, the whole truth - the whole idea of my future - crumbled beneath me. I stood and fought on that day; I stayed strong and I vowed for it not to get me down. I refused to look weak in front of my mum, but as soon as I told my dad about the situation I lost it. I regard my parents as some of my best friends and as I told my dad about what happened I could see how sad it was for him to hear. 4 months later and I can still see his face. It was then I realised that this act of betrayal on me had broken my parents hearts...and seeing their hearts broken hurt me more than I would ever thought possible. My heart also broke that day. I can still remember sitting there, in my living room that I knew to be so familiar, wrapped in the arms of my parents who have looked after me all my life and I couldn't help but feel lost.
I bounced back from that day. I realised that the life – the future – I so faithfully believed in was a lie and always had been. Yet I've always been a strong person, I pride myself on the faith I have in my own abilities, the confidence I have in myself to achieve anything I want in life and I have never – and will never – let what happened that day get to me. I have the occasional bad day, a few hours where I think about how I was lied to, but that's just natural and that's happening less and less as time goes by.
For a short time after the truth unfolded I quickly found out who my friends really were. Who were there for me and had my back; and unfortunately those who didn't entirely stand by me, but just cowardly sat on the fence. I can safely say, those cowardly individuals are no longer my friends.
2 weeks after that happened I had already made up my mind that I was going to get out of the stagnancy of the life I was living. There was nothing for me back at home and I decided to make my way out to New Zealand. I had friends there and in Australia – good friends...no, brilliant friends. It's been hard work since I got out to New Zealand, but I have no regrets in traveling to the other side of the world and not a day goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars, however many Gods there are, my 4 leaf clover, my rabbits foot, my good genetics – whatever I want to thank – that I'm strong enough to take this one on the chin.
They say that difficult times are sent to test you in life. I'm not sure if that's true, but you learn a lot from these times, that's for sure.
It's having experienced this hurt that I ask you – whoever you are, reading this – to please, think of other people before you take actions. I'd hate to think that I was ever a person in someone elses life that made them feel the way I felt four months ago because of that certain girl. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
I used to be a very trusting guy. I'd only think good of people until I was proven wrong. This mind set came back to hurt me. I've learnt, not that I shouldn't trust people anymore, but that I should be more weary of the people I trust. I've learnt not to be quite so naïve – which is a valuable lesson for a guy like me who isn't altogether that bright. But in the words of Roger Alan Wade, “If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.” Great words.
This event has affected me fundamentally. I have made many new friends since being out in New Zealand, but I'm hesitant in letting those friendships get any more meaningful. I'm hesitant in making any new relationships. It's something that - I admit – doesn't sit comfortably with me. But as has been my attitude for a while now: if it scares me, I must leap head first into it. Bungy jumping and sky diving scares the hell out of me, hence the reason I've got them scheduled in the upcoming months and I have no doubt that I'll take the plunge sooner rather than later and let my relationships flourish.
This isn't a sob story, this isn't a way to get pity from anyone (although who doesn't like a bit of attention, eh?) this is a little bit of therapy for me, but also it's just me just asking, to whoever reads this, to please consider your actions. Sometimes you can't help but break someone's heart and there's just no avoiding that, but be as considerate as you can. It may be a redundant message, maybe only a few people will read this, but I hope it makes some kind of effect. I wish I could be the only person to ever have to experience that pain so nobody ever has to. But that kind of an attitude, makes me sound like a martyr. A bit like a Welsh Jesus: getting hurt so you don't have to, haha!
Ever the egotist, eh? I write a blog about a time I got hurt and I end up comparing myself to, someone who millions over the world consider as, the son of God.
Can't take me anywhere.
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