Thursday 21 April 2011

A thought about 'The Little Mermaid'

I'll tell you why I don't like The Little Mermaid.
This under-the-sea world that they live in is supposed to be parallel to our dry-land world. Now, i can accept that there are going to be certain discrepancies, certain ideas that just won't work. But you let them pass, you know, you suspend your disbelief so that things can flow nicely. Fair enough, but even if i do that a few things still niggle at me.

Allow me to explain: throughout the film all the mermen and mermaids speak fluent English to each other, they have an extensive vocabulary and every word of theirs match ours. I mean, logically speaking their language is coherent as far as we're concerned so why is it in one of Ariel's songs she refers to objects as "whatcha-macallits".
She continues by talking about "a fire and how does it...what's the word...burn!" She does, however, seem to know the word "dance" and "legs" the latter of which I'm adamant they don't have below the ocean. This bugs me.
Secondly, what's the deal with the lack of kids down there. It's like the movie 'Children Of Men' was inspired by this animation. Teenagers are the youngest people you find down there. The mer-people are in for certain doom if those teenagers don't start hooking up any time soon. And it's not like they they haven't figured out how to do it yet. Of course, we have speculated time and time again how we would copulate with such a creature only to no avail, but surely they must have a clue - I mean their parents got it right!
Finally, what's the deal with everyone looking aesthetically amazing. Every guy seems to be buff, loaded with six packs and a healthy pair of guns; and all the women are slender, slightly curvaceous creatures with a ample set of bussoms! I kept an eye out during that film and with all the mer-folk you encounter I saw one over weight mermaid - and to be fair, she was getting on a bit.
I begun theorising the possibilities of these social anomalies and at first I attributed it to steroids, but that would only answer the male part of this equation, so why is it all the women are so aesthetically pleasing? Then it occurred to me. The one answer I've been looking for my entire time of watching The Little Mermaid and it actually helps with my 3 main problems I have with the film as well.
Take a look at the land-walkers in that film: they are short and fat, skinny and tall, and more often than not, ugly. They sound funny but there are the exceptions and this is Prince Eric - prince charming himself. However, the exceptions down under is the overweight, aging mermaid I mentioned previously. Everyone's beautiful. There can only be - and is only - one answer to this...dumping.
The land-walkers have been dumping toxic waste into the sea for so long that these mutations have occurred. What happened? Who knows, maybe fish mixed with human DNA and over time wham! Mer-people! But the toxic waste dumping has had both a positive an negative effect.
Positives - it's left everyone beautiful: The men are buff and the women curvaceously awesome.
Negatives - People are no longer able to conceive. The dumping has either dramatically reduced and then killed male sperm count or it has effectively made the female eggs inhospitable. Also it made them slightly amnesic. Clearly the toxins affected their cerebral cortex in some way they've been left unable to remember names of things they learnt through word of mouth from the surface. Hence the reason Ariel can't remember what it is a fire does...oh that's right, burn. Poor girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, if there's one moral to be taken from this story it's that every action bears a consequence. Do you hear me? Dumping wastes into the ocean has an adverse affect on those creatures, whether they be mythical, whether they be animated...they're still being affected.
Stop the dumping. Heed my advice.

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